Snap! Goes the Camel's Back

Where to begin?

I'll begin with the last disturbing comment she made that sent me into panic mode. She figured it would work out great if I took her car until she moves back from India at the beginning of next year.

"And then if there is a room available here I can move back in!"

Over my dead body.

I found myself getting increasingly agitated by her presence, and the fact that I couldn't even use my own PC freely because it was allegedly "in the shop" was making me resent her even more. Totally ridiculous, I know, but she was stuck to it like glue. At least she was leaving the house for a few hours to go to the internet cafe.

She was gone when I got home around 4:30 yesterday afternoon. I pulled out my laptop to write and then I pulled up hulu.com to catch up on my T.V. shows. I got through one and a half when I heard her at the door. I scrambled to hide the computer before she discovered my covert usage.

I should add that she has driven me to drinking and smoking since her arrival. I lead a pretty quiet life these days, rarely partaking in booze or cigarettes, but this week I've been swimming in a bottle of wine nearly every night.

The second evening she was here - the night that I got super drunk - she was snapping photos of me all night. And as if that wasn't enough she had to snap 10 -12 morning after hangover shots. I'd seen many of these unflattering photos and tried to figure out how to delete them but it's a fancy pants camera with a hard to find delete feature.

But getting back to last night. I was in the kitchen with Tyler and Slum (yes, we're back to that) chatting. I was again using wine as a coping mechanism to get through yet another night of non-stop yak about guys. Slum mentioned that Tamiko had stopped by earlier that day when I was out of the house.

"Yea, I asked her how it was going with that other girl that her boyfriend was seeing," said Slum.

"YOU DUMBASS!" I blurted out.

I had confided in Slum the story about Tamiko's boyfriend having a brief fling with a 21 year old. He thought he'd found love at first sight. (Idiot) It was devastating to Tamiko, but she is in love with him and decided to let it go when he came to his senses and came back to her. I told Slum the story because we were talking about the mystery of why he won't just marry Tamiko so she can come live in the States again. Slum listened with wide eyes as it is her favorite genre.

"Why? Why? Why would you say that to her? That is so old and water under the bridge!! And now she knows I told you about it!"

"She TOLD me about it," she said defensively.

"No. I told you about it the other morning and you didn't know a thing about it," I insisted.

"No, dude, she told me when I lived here."

"Really? That's funny because it happened well before you moved in, and you didn't seem to know a thing about it the other morning."

If there is one thing I despise it is lying. And she does plenty of it. I've caught her in several white lies just this week, but this one took the cake.

Tyler looked at me as she made a dash for the door. "I'm out of here!"

I snatched my wine glass and headed for my room muttering about how much a hate liars.

I camped out on my balcony and got on the phone with an old friend, finished off the rest of the bottle, along with several cigarettes.

I knew that I could not possibly accept her offer of taking her car. I knew I didn't want any attachment to this toxic vampire that had holed up in my space. However, I knew that I'd been drinking and I shouldn't do anything rash.

When I went back inside she was sawing logs on her mattress. I had but one mission to accomplish. Find the camera and delete those hideous photos once and for all.

I walked around her a few times to make sure she didn't stir. Then a grabbed her purse and went into the bathroom to dismantle it. No camera. I went back to her bed to investigate further. Lo and behold she was sleeping with it right by her side. I carefully leaned over her and braced myself with one hand on the wall. I was able to snatch it up in one clean swoop. I scurried off into the bathroom like a squirrel with a nut.

I locked the door, sat on the floor and with drunken determination found the elusive delete feature. First I found the option that said "delete all." It crossed my mind momentarily, but I figured that was a lot of bad karma. I just wanted to get rid of the awful photos of me. I asked her several times to delete them, but she refused. So, one by one, I deleted about 40 photos of myself.

There were also some good ones so I popped out the chip and downloaded them to my PC. I was quite proud of myself. I put the camera back where I found it, and passed out in my bed.

I was in a blissful place. Maybe I was flying. It was a good dream until the clack, clack, clack of her shoes on my wood floor startled me out of my sleep. I had asked her not to walk around the room at night in shoes, but she would put them on just to go to the bathroom.

Argh!!

When she came back I barked at her, "Will you please not put on your shoes to go to the bathroom!"

"Ok. Sorry..."

We'd been through this before. I was wide awake and pissed. Then, like Reagan from the Exorcist I sat straight up in bed and started spewing.

"Rubi - I can't do this for another week. I need my space back."

"Okay. I'll leave tomorrow," she said as if she was not surprised.

We both tossed and turned for sometime and then I heard her shuffling things around in the dark.

"What are you doing?" I asked.

"I'm packing."

"Now??"

"Yea, I'm gonna go. I can't sleep."

"It is two o'clock in the morning. People are sleeping. You can't go schlepping your suitcase down the stairs," I said in a less than compassionate tone.

"I don't want to stay where I'm not welcome."

"Oh my God! It is all about YOU isn't it? This is exactly why you've worn out your welcome here. You are SO inconsiderate!"

"Fine. I'll come back tomorrow morning for my suitcase."

I didn't answer. It was two in the morning. Where the hell was she going to go? I decided I didn't care. She left and shortly after I drifted off into a pleasant slumber.

She returned around 8:30 for her suitcase. She rang the bell and Tyler let her in. When she came into my room I felt like I should say something.

"Rubi, I never should have agreed to let you stay here for so long. I'm a very private person, and..."

"You don't need to give me excuses. It's okay."

She was right. Why should I make excuses? She is a bad house guest that doesn't know when it's time to go.

It was such a relief. The thought of 7 more days was more than I could take. Still, there is lingering angst. It may take a day or two for me to find my balance again.

What was I thinking? Actually, the first 4 days were fine. We actually had fun. If she'd had the common sense to go stay on another friend's floor for a few nights it probably wouldn't have come to this.

Que sera.