Monday, March 30, 2009

Mission Accomplished

They scatter like roaches when I enter a room... Yes~! True, I might be considered the "psycho" in the house, but at least those bitches are getting the hell out of my way. Slumdog "tattled" on me and told the landlord about the threat to break her fingers. Mariana and Slum both told her that I have a tendency to "overreact." Perhaps it's not that I overreact, but that most people underreact. Perhaps if people weren't so passive this world wouldn't be so f'd up... but I digress.

To smooth out the energy in this madhouse we have a new housemate moving in to take Tamiko's place. Her name is Tyler. She's a yogi like me, we have lots of the same books, and from the looks of it we are going to be great friends. She's about my age - late 30's, with a calm temperament peppered with a little underlying "don't cross me." I like that. She's going to be a real breath of fresh air in this place.

In the meantime I have to do some damage control from the temper tantrum I had earlier this week when I told the landlord that I was fed up and planned to start looking for a new place to live. This after their partying until the wee hours on Monday night.

"I live with a pathological liar and a bi-polar child that can't think for herself..."

The rant went on for several paragraphs... She didn't respond for several days only to say that she didn't want to see me go but I should do what's right for me. Ouch!

I live in the master bedroom, custom painted for me, with a bird's eye view of downtown LA. I'm not going anywhere...

Sunday, March 29, 2009

Two Buffalo Girls...

It has been a good long while since I’ve posted but that by no means is a sign that there isn’t any activity in the house. There has been quite a lot of activity, including but not limited to, yelling, screaming, threats of bodily harm, and retaliation by heavy metal music in the morning. I got the crazy notion that maintaining this blog was perpetuating my anger, but as a friend put it, "I think it is sort of catharic for you." She's a criminal defense attorney with my best interest at heart. Better that I get my anger out on the page than end up as one of her clients.

I’m the first to admit that I suffer (or those around me) from raging PMS. It is never a good idea to fuck with me the week before or during my period, period. Slumdog made the mistake of moving some of my stuff out of the dish rack in the kitchen, sending me into a tail spin.

“If you don’t keep your filthy paws off my things I’M GOING TO BREAK YOUR FUCKING FINGERS!!” I growled from the bottom of my soul.

She went to her room and shut the door. I guess she’s not as dumb as she looks.

At the beginning of this week I had actually decided that I was going to move out even though I absolutely love the house. Mariana is all tangled up in Slumdog’s puppet strings, as usual, making life less than wonderful when the two of them decide to stay up partying until 2:00 a.m. on a Monday. In my haste I decided I needed to look for a new place to live. 6 days later I’ve decided that there’s no way I’m going to let that bitch run me out of my home.

Last night they both came in quite late and woke me up with their buffalo asses thundering up the stairs. I figured I would repay the favor this morning with a little heavy metal wake up call. No Black Sabbath this time. Nope. That’s for sissies. Only the heaviest of heavy metal would do. They got a little System of a Down serenade at 7:00 a.m. While I had retired my taste for heavy metal music years ago, those CDs are really coming in handy now. Rock on!

Tuesday, March 3, 2009

Random Acts of Vileness

The painters are coming along nicely with my new room. This is their third day of prepping and priming. Who knew a proper paint job took so long to prepare for? I'm going out for the day so I went upstairs to let them know. After the usual morning greetings I told Miguel that I would be out for most of the day.

"I'm going to be gone all day... so you guys behave yourselves..." I said with a facetious wag of my finger. It was a joke, of course.

"Ok," he said. "We'll just have a harem over and have an orgy."

[Blank look on my face.]

As if that wasn't enough, he added, "We'll save you some."

On that note, what could I do but walk away, feeling a little dirty.

Monday, March 2, 2009

Drama? Or Temptation?

Apparently Tamiko’s boyfriend was not lying about the ‘I love drama’ bit. He returned to the doorstep this evening, unannounced and dressed like he was ready for a date. He’s about 28, half American and half Japanese, and tall like his American father who I met this past Christmas at the neighbor's party.

The doorbell rang and I wondered who it could be. I had just gotten out of the bath and pulled on some sweats. I looked out the peep hole to see Jamie, so I opened the door.

“Hi Jamie! What’s up?”

“Hi Marissa. I just stopped by to move those things upstairs.”

I have to admit that I think he is incredibly cute.

“Oh, sure, please… c’mon in….”

He came in and took off his jacket, draped it over the back of one of the chairs in the dining room and didn't make any sudden movements towards said items. I felt a little awkward with my hair all wet, in my glasses and old sweats. He asked if the room had been painted yet.

“Oh they are up there right now sanding away. They’ve been priming the area for two days now!”

“Really?” He said with his arms crossed.

“Yea, come take a look. I put that t.v. you wanted on the balcony.”

“Oh, I don’t want it,” he said. “I just came to move it downstairs for you.”

What a gentleman… I thought to myself.

We went upstairs and walked out onto the balcony where he started making small talk, and again, no indication of a rush to move anything.

“Wow this is a really big balcony…” He said.

I thought it was an odd thing to say since it is his girlfriend’s old room. It’s not like it was the first time he’d seen it.

“It’s so nice of you to stop by to move this stuff. You really didn’t have to do that,” I said.

“Well you're all females, of course you need help.”

I wasn’t sure if I should swoon or swear.

“Um, yea, I guess so…”

Then he just sort of stood there not making a move to pick up the t.v. so I said, “okay then…” and started to walk out of the room. He followed me, empty handed down the stairs and started the small talk again. Then we saw Miguel, one of the painters, carrying the t.v. down the stairs.

After the two items in question had been brought down, he just didn’t seem like he planned on leaving. I wasn’t sure what to do. On one hand, I didn’t want to be rude, should I offer him tea? On the other hand, to my knowledge, he is still Tamiko’s boyfriend and I didn’t want to give him any ideas, since I was already starting to get the feeling he had some ideas… Quite flattering, yes, but... NO! NO! NO!

“So how long have you lived here?” He asked with his hands in his pockets.

“Since October. So, I guess about six months. The monster has only been here about six weeks.”

“The monster?” He asked with a confused look on his face.

“The Indian chick that I got into the screaming match with the other day when you were here.”

“Oh!” he chuckled.

I then explained to him that I had actually chosen her which he found even more amusing. I told him that I practice yoga and that I’m into Indian philosophy.”

“Oh, me too!” he said nodding his head.

After a while and no invitation to stay, he gathered his jacket and plotted his return.

“So maybe I’ll stop by in a few days to see the room when it’s completed?”

“Of course. Yes, you know you are welcome anytime,” I said politely.

Ok. Yea, I have your phone number. Maybe we can have breakfast or something?”

Oh dear… This is a cruel, cruel test isn’t it?

Turtle Neck

Not much to report since Slumdog has stopped talking to me since I told her to "shut up" on Saturday. I almost said something to her yesterday when she came in very close proximity of my person in the kitchen to get yet more rice out of her rice cooker. She was so close that I could hear her smacking her last mouthful of food. She is truly vile.

Having drinks with a friend last night, he inquired about her looks.

"Indian women are either really hot, or really not!"

"She would fall into the latter I'm afraid. She has two big rolls of flesh around her neck," I said.

"Is she fat?" he said with a wrinkled nose.

"Not really. I mean she's not skinny either, but she just has two big wrinkles of skin on her neck."

"Like a turtle?!"

Please excuse me because I had had a couple of beers and I thought it was the funniest thing I had ever heard. Admittedly, it is childish and cruel.

"Yea, like a turtle!"