Drama Queen

Friday night my beauty sleep was, once again, disturbed by Grant dragging furniture across the floor under my room. When I got up yesterday morning I skulked down to the kitchen, tired and cranky and saw the furniture in the breakfast nook in disarray and the table actually splitting down the middle – no doubt from rough handling. I was pissed. Like, what the fuck is he doing?? So – armed with a marker I started scrawling on the sounding board:

Can we please handle the furniture a little more gingerly? Chairs sliding across wood floors make a lot of noise. And what’s up with the table coming apart - ?

Then I left for my busy morning, which I was late for thanks to asshole sleep robber.

When I returned home I went straight to my room. The house was quiet. I put on some music and went about my business until I heard loud voices downstairs. It was Tyler and Grant. Well, mostly Grant ranting about ME! Of course I turned off the music to listen.

“It’s just everyday there’s something new. I don’t need it!” He whined.

Well, my advice is to get the fuck out then… And the everyday something new? 2 days in a row is more accurate. Day one he left the lights on downstairs overnight (again) and Day two he got a long overdue reprimand for making so much fucking noise late a night.

I listened to him rant like a girl, playing the victim, for what seemed like forever. I could only assume that he was unaware of my presence in the house. When he was done, I pumped up the music so there was no mistaking my presence in the house, got in the shower to prepare for battle. A girl needs to look good when she’s about to kick some boy ass. Besides, I was going out for the evening anyway.

Cool as a cucumber I sauntered down the stairs to find him sitting at the dining table at the bottom of the stairs. I had no intention of going for the jugular unless provoked.

“Hey, what’s up?” He said.

“Nothin, how are you?” I said as I walked over to the table and leaned forward, resting my forearms on the back of one of the chairs.

He started talking but he wouldn’t make eye contact, just kept looking at his computer screen.

“So, I don’t understand what’s going on with the notes on the board, and it’s like, I’m so sick of having some new complaint everyday…”

“Well, you know, the reminder to turn off the lights could have been for anyone. It was not directed at you,” I said coolly.

“Oh. Ok. I guess that’s a good point,” he said, still not looking at me.

“And the problem is this…” I dragged a chair across the floor to demonstrate and then pointed at the ceiling, “My bed is right there.”

“Ok, well, I’ve calmed down now, but I just feel like it’s something new everyday.”

Ok, so I see you’re attached to this and not letting go… and I guess I should be grateful that you’ve calmed down? YOU better be grateful that I’VE calmed down…

He continued, “But I’ll try to be quieter.”

“Great. I appreciate it.”

What a turd (or a tard). I can’t believe he whined to Tyler for nearly half and hour, like a DRAMA QUEEN! If he’d just stop dragging the damn furniture across the floor at midnight and filling the fridge with Pabst Blue Ribbon, maybe we could all be Rodney King-like.